Bits of Life
by Ciscogirl
Summary: Bits and bytes of humor, life, and even a bit love mixed in as the Autobots live on Earth.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** I have no excuse I know. I should be working on _Janus_. Still please enjoy the results of a slow day at work where I made up a game of writing as many sentences as I could between customers.

**Edit:** I think I broke the record on how quickly someone publishes something and then edits it. All errors were mine (wants to hide under a rock after fixing the mounds of errors). And thank you very much **Jason M. Lee** for pointing this out, especially the Chia-Pet.

I probably should also point out that I do intend on doing another fifty of this snippets as it passes the time at work.

**Summary:** Bits and bytes of humor, life, and even a bit love mixed in as the Autobots live on Earth.

_**Disclaimers:**__ Transformers is the property of Hasbro and concept licensed through Takara Co. All original characters however are created by ciscogirl/ciscogoldengirl and protected by copyright laws. This work was created only for enjoyment, not with the goals of credit or monetary gain in any fashion._

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**Bits of Life**

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1. Ironhide pushed Lennox into moving his family to the base for their protection though as far as Lennox could tell the mech had done it to primarily show off Annabelle to the other Autobots.

2. Sideswipe was near impossible to deal with when there wasn't a mission; Mudflap tied to the hangar's rafters during the twin's recharge merely reinforced this fact.

3. "I don't care who decided it would be a smart idea to play Marco Polo with cannons; just clean up this mess before Optimus comes back!"

4. Lennox didn't know how the Autobot did it with a metal mouth but Optimus could blow raspberries guaranteed to send his daughter into joyful baby squeals.

5. Fourth of July, Ironhide, and a challenge from the NEST gunners as to who could make the loudest explosion made for one of the most exciting times not involving a Decepticon.

6. When Skids tried to blow a raspberry for Annabelle it backfired—literally—from the opposite end though it received the same high pitched laughter.

7. Ten days after moving onto the base, both Will and Sarah wondered if their child would ever need a babysitter ever again as the Autobots couldn't seem to get enough of her.

8. Ratchet had a long talk with the twins about how coffee and the Major's sparkling wasn't a good combination when he overheard them trying to come up with good foods for the sparkling to ingest.

9. Only an idiot would dare rouse Ironhide when he had both Sarah and Annabelle napping in his cab.

10. After the incident with the Decepticon Pretender, Sam never trusted blondes.

11. Mudflap and Skids had survived the war by fighting so what did they care if they couldn't read a language that had been dead long before they had been online?

12. Ratchet didn't want to know why Skids and Mudflap could only talk in Pig Latin. He already knew Sideswipe had something do with it.

13. Finger-paint, Annabelle, and the Chevy twins generally resulted in chaos.

14. Spring break for his peers consisted of Mexico, Miami, or some other heavily crowded beach party filled with raves, beer, and sex. His first spring break consisted of being on secret base, babysitting, and eating s'mores with a girl that smelled faintly of leather. He felt sorry for everyone else when he returned to classes.

15. Despite their attitudes, Mudflap and Skids knew they weren't stupid. Stupid was going up against the Boss 'Bot with some slag about how everything was the Autobot's fault while flaunting Presidential orders in the Major's face.

16. Amongst the soldiers it was simple enough. Optimus was Boss 'Bot. Ratchet was Hatchet (but only where he couldn't hear you). And William Lennox was _the_ Major; as in he was the only human leader that really counted in NEST.

17. There was a wager on the base as to how long it would take for Bumblebee to finally lose it and dropkick Mudflap and Skids with their rendition of the song that never ends.

18. To say Jolt was happy when Mikaela become Ratchet's new junior apprentice was like saying the sun was hot.

19. "We are not going to tell Sarah her first word was 'slag'. Got it?"

20. "Want a job on a secret base again?" Tom Banachek asked with a grin.

21. When Sideswipe offered you a ride around the base, you shut up and took it because it meant riding at a speed limit of over two hundred and _living_.

22. It was a running joke that while the Major ran the base, Sarah ran the Major.

23. After the first month of living on the base, Sarah had finally given up on telling the Autobots that Annabelle wasn't a sparkling.

24. The 'I spy' game would take on a whole new connotation to Mikaela when she saw Ironhide naming out parts of his gun to the one-year-old Annabelle.

25. After the entire Egypt Incident (or the 'Big Slagging Mess' as Ironhide called it), NEST was reinstated with even more power concerning robotic life forms though Simmons didn't like the name.

26. There were many things Sideswipe was good at; Frisbee wasn't one of them.

27. Grumbling, the losers sullenly forked over their money into Sam's open hand when it was Ironhide who proceeded in drop kicking the Chevy twins after the sixty-third verse of the song.

28. He thought it a bit odd (freakish even) that when he looked at Annabelle, he wasn't scared away like other guys his age. He just hoped Mikaela wouldn't notice.

29. On his first day as NEST's Head of Operations, Simmons insulted Optimus, questioned the Major's masculinity, scared the Chevy twins, and then ripped his own government apart for not providing better living conditions for the Autobots.

30. Ironhide didn't know who was the dirtier; Annabelle or the Chevy twins but the three were having the time of their life making mud pies.

31. "Remind me why we're doing this again?" Sam asked Bumblebee just before they covered a recharging Sideswipe in silly string.

32. The Autobots sank like rocks in water but that didn't mean they couldn't have fun sending tidal waves over the humans when they did a cannonball.

33. Simmons demanded absolute perfection so when Glen asked for warm sprinkle doughnuts every Sunday and the inclusion of one Maggie Madsen in the team, he thought nothing of it if it meant he got two of the best hackers in the country.

34. Jolt had a reputation to maintain but it was so much fun dancing to the addicting beat of _"Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger"_.

35. "It's an _island_! Where the slag are they so I can rip their limbs off?" Sideswipe demanded with silly string dripping down his body like worms.

36. When everything was said and done, Sideswipe was impressed with Bumblebee's and Sam's prank; which was why he returned the favor a week later.

37. "She has more clearance than you do in this kind of thing, so it's only logical." He said, twisting the dagger when he told the NSA Head the reason for taking Maggie Madsen out of his clutches and into the embrace of NEST.

38. "Well what would _you_ call it?" Lennox demanded Simmons in frustration when the man complained yet again about the name NEST.

39. It was downright terrifying to see how proud Ironhide and Lennox were when Annabelle began naming different parts of a gun in her baby voice.

40. Jolt's first meeting with Maggie ended quite badly, "I didn't mean to short out your laptop; it was an accident!"

41. Optimus shot his CMO a look, "Stop grinning and save your senior apprentice before she offlines him."

42. Mikaela brought Wheelie to the base only once; Mudflap and Skids had too much fun playing duck hunt with Wheelie as the duck.

43. "Okay, so what does EDC mean?" Lennox asked Simmons after he had offered the suggestion before their daily meeting with Optimus.

44. After nearly landing on a soldier for a fifth time, it was decided that dancing was not for the Chevy twins.

45. Despite his gruff attitude, Ironhide was at a complete loss when Chromia began to show interest in him.

46. Mikaela tried not to think about the nearly desperate look Ratchet always had every time he looked over the repaired body of Jazz and she couldn't blame him for it; if creeps like Megatron had risen why not one of their own?

47. Exams were child's play after touching the spark; it was the essays with their open ended questions and theories that had Sam up at all hours of the night.

48. Jolt tried not to jump when Maggie came into the med bay asking if he could teach her some aspects of Cybertronian coding.

49. Leo knew something was up when he received an email with the subject 'Guess who Chia Head?'

50. Had Ratchet been a human, his face would have been white the moment Optimus announced that the next Autobot to come to Earth would be Sunstreaker.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Go read my profile to learn why my updating schedule went out the window with the trash. I'm still unhappy with Vista.

Aside from that; thanks to everyone reading this and when I read that one review questioning the time line of this thing well...

_...slag..._

I don't suppose we could all agree that that the first chapter was random bits ranging from the 2007 movie on? I promise the following chapters will be a bit more predictable. Kind of.

**Summary:** Bits and bytes of humor, life, and even a bit love mixed in as the Autobots live on Earth.

_**Disclaimers:**_ _Transformers is the property of Hasbro and concept licensed through Takara Co. All original characters however are created by ciscogirl/ciscogoldengirl and protected by copyright laws. This work was created only for enjoyment, not with the goals of credit or monetary gain in any fashion._

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**Bits of Life: 2**

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1. When Glen first met Sunstreaker, everyone would agree he had made a high pitched squeal considered (up to then) impossible for human vocal chords.

2. Sarah looked at Optimus that evening after she had found the Chevy Twins drawing with Annabelle, "They're just children aren't they?"

3. Despite their personalities, Mudflap and Skids somehow managed to control their choice of language whenever Annabelle was around but then a _long_ conversation with Sarah Lennox might have helped with that.

4. It was common knowledge on the base that when Sideswipe opened his passenger door you shut up, got in, (for the love of everything holy) buckled your seat belt, and got ready for a ride that left your heart somewhere back in Kentucky. It wasn't common knowledge that Ironhide did the same thing and it was just as much fun with his style of 'off roading'.

5. Sam knew his limits. Being shot at. Decepticons with whip-like tongues. Mikaela's Covergirl lipstick 035; smokey rose.

6. It seemed that Ironhide and Sarah were the only ones who could translate Annabelle's 'baby talk'. Optimus was simply content to let her babble.

7. Ratchet was a firm believer of using consoling words, especially concerning his leader. "The Seekers don't fit in any category, they're beyond just 'Bots and 'Cons. He did it to stop the source of this whole war and save the planet so don't slag it up by feeling guilty for having used his power!"

8. Like most nerd-types, Glen and Maggie had a guilty pleasure of all things _Star Trek_ and once a month they could be found in one of the smaller break rooms not overrun with soldiers watching their favorite episodes.

9. Only Maggie failed to see what was so cute about Jolt always 'going the same way myself so let's go together'.

10. Optimus felt his spark twist horribly when Sarah gestured discretely at the Chevy Twins, "They're just children aren't they?"

11. Sarah Lennox didn't so much as adopt Mudflap and Skids as she swooped down on them in a whirl of organic maternal instinct.

12. Bumblebee tried not to think about the very real possibility that he would never be able to speak properly again; honorable war wound or not.

13. Beyond the necessity of missions Glen was the only one allowed inside Sunstreaker for rides; Sideswipe said it was because his brother loved the attention.

14. Simmons was up to something; Will just didn't know if it was worth the trouble asking just what it was.

15. Wheelie couldn't help but feel that Primus had lost a bet with the human's god; how else had Mikaela been born as a fleshie?

16. "Honey, why are Mudflap and Skids enrolled with Annabelle's kindergarten class?"

17. Sideswipe didn't bother with pleasantries when he saw his brother climb out of the crater; he barreled straight into him and threatened to rip his armor off plate by plate if he ever separated from his twin again.

18. Upon seeing Jet Judo for the first time, the Chevy Twins immediately attempted the style with mixed results.

19. "Slagger." Jolt grumbled when Sunstreaker stole Maggie away for a ride to her room after a shift.

20. "Ten bucks says the Major makes the newbs flinch in five minutes." Epps whispered to Sam.

21. Ratchet put the fear of Primus into the Chevy Twins after finally figuring out which part went to who after their Jet Judo attempt.

22. "Please, please, _please_ give me the excuse to go over the President's head and send you to a one man post in Greenland for the next twenty years of your life. Just say one more word." Simmons' whispered to the visiting five star general stupid enough to complain about the families staying on base.

23. It was an unspoken rule on both sides; Megatron and Prime received at _minimum_ a hundred yards whenever they collided on the battlefield.

24. Maggie and Glen soon discovered that their monthly _Star Trek_ Marathon wasn't so secret anymore when they found Epps, Will, Sam, and at least ten others waiting for them with popcorn and sodas.

25. Ratchet took one look at Sideswipe before looking down at Will. "Is his expression what you would call 'a shit-eating grin'?"

26. The fits were rare now but they still came with the same heart-jerking ferocity that left him helpless to stop himself.

27. Sam knew what love was; it was Mikaela calmly handing him as many blank pieces of paper and bright crayons as needed until the fit was over before quietly giving him a cup of hot cocoa without the mini marshmallows.

28. Sometimes Optimus thought about leaving humanity out of his kind's war but one look at Sam, Mikaela, Will and the rest of NEST's soldiers killed that thought process.

29. Will narrowed his eyes at Simmons' twisted grin. "What did you do, who did you piss off, and where's the paperwork for the damage?"

30. Despite relying on bombers and recon planes, NEST personnel always remained more than a little 'skittish' whenever a jet passed as compared to other soldiers.

31. "When will more Autobots come to Earth?" Sam asked Bumblebee one night as they stared at the stars.

32. Ironhide afforded Will a look of resignation. "Do I even want to know why Mudflap and Skids are now calling Sarah 'Mom'?"

33. Ever since Egypt, there was no point in hiding the Autobots or Decepticons which made missions slightly easier, if only to the point that they no longer had to completely BS the public with threats of toxic spills.

34. The Autobots couldn't eat human food but that didn't stop them from partaking in the holiday celebrations and watching the kitchen staff with the utmost fascination.

35. It was Mikaela who told Ratchet quietly one night that it was time to let go of Jazz; he would never be 'fully' repaired.

36. "How the **hell** do you buy the moon in the first place?" Will asked Simmons, too impressed to be annoyed by the fact that the man was most certainly adding to the mountains of paperwork.

37. Simmons had declined the UN summit, instead shoving Will and Epps and even persuading/blackmailing Sam into tagging along. "My job entails pissing people off on a regular basis; I don't do diplomacy. Have fun." He told them before pushing Sam into the helicopter.

38. "Is it NEST or EDC?" Arcee asked, voicing the confusion every Autobot and soldier had.

39. It unnerved Sideswipe the day Annabelle showed him a picture she had drawn of him with the bright red crayon letters 'Knight Sideswipe' underneath; she had no idea just how accurate she was.

40. "I don't care if you are an alien that transforms into a sports car; Spiderman's still better." Epps told Bumblebee seriously.

41. Chromia had no thoughts on her reputation when it came to Annabelle and the other human younglings; she loved telling them stories while acting out all the parts.

42. Glen knew he was immature but he knew what it meant when Maggie blushed after Jolt congratulated her on her grasp of cybertronian coding.

43. "Alright! I think he has a cute little blue ass...aft...whatever you call it!" Maggie snarled one night at Glen while they studied Cybertronian basic code.

44. It was to be expected; upon seeing that there was intelligent life from another planet there were massive religious debates, awe, and even outright denial which confused the Autobots. "How did they come up with the idea that we're secret projects from Japan?" Sideswipe asked Lennox.

45. Annabelle's fourth Halloween was spent on base with other base children dressed up as Autobots and their parents passing out popcorn, candy, and fruit punch.

46. Leo had grown used to the regular emails titled 'To Our Chia Head'.

47. There was a substantial list of things the Autobots could not do and after the fiasco of New Year's, hokey pokey was added to the list.

48. No amount of bribing from the Major could get Ironhide to reveal what he had said to the wannabe suicide bomber while on a mission in Afghanistan but the results were felt worldwide; soldiers bearing the NEST badge were avoided like the plague.

49. "You know we could just have two bases; NEST and EDC. One to prevent 'Cons from getting on Earth and the other for reducing them to scrap if they're already on Earth." Same offered to Simmons and the Major, stunning them and making a certain yellow scout look on smugly.

50. Simmons understood his position all too well; as long as he was able to make his government realize the need of the Autobots (and never forget that need) he didn't care if they sneered each time they spoke to him as though he were worthless.

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A/N: I have found a wonderful place to lurk in; the LJ community Transformers Bunny Farm. If I need something to give me a laugh right before work that's the place I look. I'm hoping that one day someone will actually take up the plot bunny involving Starscream and the infamous Point-of-View gun. Excuse while I go snicker in my corner at the mental images. Thanks for reading!


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